So the museum has some mannequins. Like a lot of mannequins. They really freak me out. For a number of reasons really.
- They are really freaky looking.
- The museum is often in a state of semi-darkness and I’m half convinced they will come to life in the dark. Kind of like a cross between Toy Story and the stone angels from Dr Who. I’m pretty sure these mannequins aren’t here to make friends.
- Most of them look angry. Or sad. Or indifferent. None of them look happy to be there.
- They are realistic enough that you can mistake them for real, albeit silent and unmoving, people out of the corner of your eye. Mix this with a state of semi-darkness and you have a recipe for seeing murdering mannequins at every turn.
In order to cope with this entirely rational fear, I have named them and given them back stories. To humanize them, if you will, because there’s no way in hell these things are remotely human…you know…because they’re mannequins (just to keep that clear).
So, let me introduce you.
First up we have Steve.
The naive among you might be thinking, wait…Steve? But that’s a woman? And there’s where you’d be wrong…come on look at her. There’s no way that this is a woman. Steve is a cross-dressing man. He’s determined to be a woman and has had a few too many cosmetic surgeries in order to accomplish this. This has resulted in this wonderful look she has made for himself. Now, Steve is embarrassed to go out in public, for fear of scaring the children and sits in the parlour drinking tea all day and playing the harpsichord.
Next up we have Hazel and Cletus.
Aren’t they lovely? They’re married, but are going through some difficulties. Hazel is fed up with Cletus and has packed up the wagon with all her stuff and is moving on. She just can’t stand any longer that Cletus wears overalls. It’s just unacceptable to her. Cletus hasn’t realized she’s left yet, he’s not the smartest tool in his shed.
Then we have this lovely couple.
They like to spend their time in the corner behind a false wall. The one in the cowboy outfit in front is Huey and the man in uniform behind him is Dewey. They are lovers. They are perpetually caught in the middle of their secret tryst, because they can’t move when people look at them. You know like Toy Story, where they have to remain in position so that the humans don’t get suspicious? That’s what’s going on here.
Here we have Lucinda.
She is the sister to Stella (who I don’t have a picture of, but is in the Laundry Room display). Lucinda is a major bitch. She makes her sister Stella do all the work, while she goes gallivanting in her fur stole and fancy dresses. She’s also a loose woman. Meanwhile, Stella is slaving away in the laundry room, washing and ironing. Stella looks so sad…(you’ll have to take my word for it)
Meet Scheherazade and Louie. And you better be gosh darn sure you spell Scheherazade’s name right because she gets pissy when you don’t.
She likes to tell stories to Louie day in and day out, hence the giant book beside her. Louie is quite bored of this by now, as is evidenced by the strained look on his face. You see, Scheherazade, she’s not very good at telling stories, because she never finishes them, and Louie is getting fed up.
This is Trudi.
It’s hard to see in the picture but she only has one arm. She works at the General Store because the owner took pity on her when one of the products that he sells, ripped her arm from her body. He feels guilty that he sold her the clothes wringer that took her arm from her and gave her the job, even though she’s not very good at it, and there were much more qualified applicants. Because the owner of the store feels so guilty, he doesn’t come around much (and therefore doesn’t have a physical body).
Well there you have it. There are more mannequins in the museum than just the ones I’ve detailed here, but they haven’t been named yet. I’m not quite convinced that this scheme of naming the fiends to make them seem less malevolent is working…in fact I think it’s making them worse, because now they are taking on personalities and I’d feel guilty if the day came when I have to strike them down in the name of saving humanity or some such nonsense. Oh well, I guess we’ll wait and see how the story progresses…